don't have much of worth to say, but on the good news front am still alive, bit more chilled, got goodish marks for my first 3 essays, am going to see Eddie Izzard next Friday in Manchester with Cathers and then on to wonderful Sheffield (29th), and back doesn't hurt half as much as it used to:)

on the bad news side, still behind on essay deadlines, some of the practical training here is so horribly out of date it's not funny ('yes you can talk at people for 20 minutes without visual aids and they won't drop off to sleep... if they do its because they are stupid and have the attention span of a goldfish' ... not a direct quote!) not sure how i'm gonna deal with 3 years of this... ho hum

oh happy day! have handed my pagans v. Christians essay (1st round only - 1st-3rd centuries AD) ... now onto Postmodernism woo-hoo:) (seriously I'm hoping I can waffle about this with the minimum of fuss ... surely 3 years at St Thom's has some effect?!)

Anyhow as part of my 'research' (procrastination) I discovered this link on the 24-7 website ... very amusing!! Surely the answer to any 'mission' worries guilty Christians might have?!

would love to know how to put up a comments thingy for things like this... email me if you have a moment!

ahh so much has happened and yet so little brain to tell about it! So briefly last few weeks:

*Matthew essay = hell ... eventually 'finish'
*meet up with brother briefly back from Sudan:)
*onto next essay - Church history - Christians v. Pagans/Roman Empire = going well surprise, surprise
*suddenly get violently ill with gastroenteritis, spend a whole week in bed recovering and not eating anything/ struggling to keep water down!
*during illness saint-like flatmates look after me above and beyond the call of duty!
*finally am back to land of living, and am horribly behind with work ... again!

i am not quite at the stage of tackling said work, but may try this afternoon ... i should give thanks not just for aforementioned flatmates, but also to God for generally just being there even in my darkest moments, a beautiful tree just outside my window, family, good friends, life back in perspective and looking forward to Christmas ... hoorah!

crappitycrap ... another essay ... another stress!! grrr stop and started so many times, I'm really confused and may have to start again - and i've got another 3 years of an essay a week... will i ever get better at them? I hope so!! it's supposed to be reading week (ie chilling out a little bit)!! I think i'm too conscientious:( I used to think it was a good thing... but recently I've been wishing I didn't have to see the consequences (long and short term) so clearly, and just sack off work and have a good time... one day?!

Still, am going to 'home' (see link on side bar) tonight which should be good ... especially since it's the first worship thing i'll've been to - last week i had an identity crisis & was really unorganised and forgot to go to three meetings, including the first home worship service thing - normally i'm ms. hyper-organised - oh Lord what is happening?!

wobble, wobble, wobble .... it'll be alright in the end I'm sure?!

Hey!

Went to see Raising Victor Vargas last night - which was great... Rob and Steph thought it was amazing too! Totally on the button about the frustrations and fumblings of trying to get through being a teenager (which I tried to run away from at the time!)...

it really cheered me up as well, not just because it was a great film but 'cos i got out of college and did something normal!

obviously thinking too much as it's my 3rd blog of the afternoon (see below & thethingaboutit...!)

anyhow ... been meaning to put this up for a while - came to me via Dave and Niki Foote...

How Christians live victoriously in the midst of persecution (Research done in 70 countries with 400 people)

1. they know Jesus
2. they know the intimacy of prayer
3. they have committed large portions of scripture to memory
4. they have indigenous music
5. they feel they are prayed for
6. they know their family is cared for
7. they know their suffering is for Jesus
8. they believe suffering is normal
9. they claimed their freedom
10. they have lost their fear
11. ‘genealogy’ – have learnt from their ‘fathers’ (earthly or spiritual)

Challenging or what?!

OK, was gonna blog all my little moans and worries... however just been convicted by remembering what I was reading in Mike Pilavachi's book 'Wasteland?' that in the desert you need to remember to give thanks 'cos then when abundance comes you'll know where the good stuff comes from and won't get proud.... so here goes:

I am really thankful for my new friends Rob and Steph Sturdy - they are such great people... really fun to hang out with and also totally sold out for God:) (and helping me to get right through my USA prejudices)

I am really thankful that I've got a couple of emails from friends in Sheffield today - Cathers Pearson, and Hannah Stoney and that really cheered my up and made me feel loved! And that I talked with my friend Becky Taylor, and my Mum on the phone last night:)

I am thankful for the amazing provisions I have materially - home, clothes, food provided and cooked for me, teachers, books, education in general, equipment etc etc

I am really thankful that God never leaves me alone... even if that's uncomfortable sometimes... 'cos he's got a purpose, a place and people for me to be involved with!!

PRAISE GOD - HE IS GOOD!

ooo exciting new thingie on the side bar (look right) so you can put me in your outlook address book ... think it's a good thing!!

[1st essay done - on to no. 2 - Matthew's distinctive interests and emphases... oh joy ... when I discover how one meets God through writing an essay I'll let y'all know!]

Well, had lots of thought-provoking, emotion stirring talks today - in both good and bad ways...

1st up was Mr Alan Storkey (husband of Elaine) on Power today - especially focusing on Military Power - interesting stuff but far too much stuff alluded to with assumption of prior knowledge and values which was quite frustrating i.e. we all knew about 'Seargent Bilko' and the kind of US reliance on the military it implied or we had all come to the conclusion that 'war is wrong'...

then was the racism talk by an amazing woman from Zimbabwe ... sadly cut short, but I can tell that it's gonna be personally really challenging over the next few weeks

finally an 'extra' lecture on different streams not of Christianity, but of evangelicalism!! SOOO frustrating - I'm sure I came to college to be equipped to help others be disciples and disciple others to Jesus... not disappear up theological dead end debates about what we call each other... (I could be ruder but I don't think that would help!)

sooo yeah... well the essay is chugging along nicely now, thank you for asking ;) generally feeling a little bit more chilled out at the moment - I think it must be all the prayer I've been getting lately - mainly for my back... but you know how God slips in 'freebies' when you get prayed for! On that subject my back is so much better - I think it's been one of those 'healing by degrees' things - each time I got prayed for a specific area of pain got dealt with ... nearly there now - feels like God's been working on my shoulder and very stiff and painful neck all day (after being prayed for at chapel) and they've progressively getting better - yay God:) ! (this morning I couldn't turn over in bed it was so painful and now I can turn my head from side to side with minimal discomfort:)

did I mention all Church of England ordinands have to go to chapel every weekday morning? here at Wycliffe we are real slackers 'cos we go after breakfast at 8:20am ... whereas at least two other colleges I've heard of they have chapel prayers at 7am before half an hour's silence for personal devotions and then breakfast!! (also on Wednesday's we meet in 'fellowship groups' instead of chapel)... it's a tough life! still not sure if it's sunk in that this is gonna be part of my term time life for the next 3 years...

lectures have been good so far - when we get to go to main Uni lectures (as opposed to Wycliffe based ones) - it's quite awe inspiring to go to these ancient buildings and mix in with these v. brainy undergrads! good fun too:) we matriculate tomorrow (first dressing up session!) ... I'll let y'all know how it goes and what it involves (assuming I don't get sworn to secrecy!)

ooo quick mention for my new friends Rob and Steph from Alabama, USA - what great people - I've had lots of laughs hanging out with them already :) I must really be getting over my USA predjudices!! (Rob is doing ordination training too:)

ta ta for now!

I love these quizzy things (must be v Gen X - who am I? I can reinvent myself anytime I like!... least that's what Elaine Storkey said in our lecture yesterday...)

My inner child is sixteen years old!

Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

not sure if this is exactly theologically sound ... oh well!!

my back is still a bit rubbish, tho' is getting better ... God is still amazing - had a wonderful time of prayer and worship at 'space' (student led worship and prayer) last night :)

Right now I need the Lord to motivate me to get this blinkin essay done

hrrmph discovered i'd posted and not published last entry (see below) - oh well! almost better just got a gippy (sp.?) back! enough of my aches and pains already!! (being v effectively soothed & challenged by mr marshall's excellent new album - if you haven't already you need to buy it!)

what i actually wanted to talk about is the beginning of my journey of discovery about the Old Testament which this week seems to have majored on (3 lectures), and I have an essay on the different portrayals of king Josiah in Kings and Chronicles to do! So much political intrigue! So many other things going on at the time that you don't really get to see in the Bible!

What I'm really having my eyes opened up to is that the Jewish religion was a 'work in progress' all the way through the Old Testament - as was the new Christian faith all the way through the New ... don't get me wrong, I don't suddenly think God was evolving, He is the same yesterday, today and forever - I'm just realising that many heroes of the faith didn't have as fuller picture as we do now ... which when type this out suddenly seems obvious! But when you grow up on the Bible (as I did) you don't necessarily see it as in disctinctive parts - you see as part of the whole... I guess it's just part of the continuing revelation that started when i twigged that Abraham didn't even have any part of the Bible (which makes the fact that By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going, Hebrews 11:8, even more amazing!), not even the 10 commandments - obvious and yet not often said!

All very challenging - especially when the tutors point out the differences between different accounts of the same event and difficulties in dating (they do explain how it could still be true!)... it's not rocking my faith, but deepening it - understanding the ways and whys of how the Bible was written down. God is merciful thankfully!

...right my brain hurts and I've still to make a decent start on my essay! ...Not got a handle on managing workload yet... there's also plenty of other things I need to attend to at the same time... !?

bleugh... not feeling very well - any prayers for my health would be great - I haven't even started any of my work so it makes me a bit nervous that I don't have the wherewithal to start yet... generally feeling a bit jittery and want to get stuck in... need to trust God more methinks!

well hello from oxford... :) firstly I should say I'm really enjoying being here and have had a great week meeting some amazing people and beginning to get my head around what I'm doing here!

For the last two days, after all the practical stuff has been dealt with, we've been having an intro week to help us this about the future beyond Wycliffe for ourselves and for the church at large ... and it has been great.

The staff here are so wise and really humble; they've obviously reflected deeply on what we need to be prepared for, especially the stuff that might not even occur to us -
#how our future beyond Wycliffe needs to be thought about now because what we're aiming for needs to affect how and what we study,
#how our character issues need to be engaged with, to make sure we develop heart and imagination as well as head as we study here
#and most of all how we need to think of ourselves as missionaries and not as chaplains to Christendom!
So encouraging to see how all that I've been taking on board at St Thom's is not isolated thinking - I guess I've become more St Thom's-centric than I realised!!

Went to 3 churches this afternoon - huge crumbling Anglo-catholic pile with some life but no teenagers or twenties/thirties; odd Ecumenical (5 denominations one congregation!) racially mixed inner city church; and Comfortable evangelical slightly charismatic anglican - all in their own way sobering wake up calls to where the church is at ... at the moment i could not imagine myself in any of them!! too little room for maneouvre... and as hard as i try i'm not a gung ho visionary who could bounce in shake it up and still be sane!

sorry for huge post only just got properly set up with broadband uni connection yesterday... Lord help me if i ever end up without quick internet connection!!

Laters;)

as promised rough image of new (red - you can see it if you look hard!) hair (many many thanks again to Mr Neill Birchenall:)

tee hee just found this just to make sure I don't take the revelations of my Myers-Briggs personality test too seriously (I'm ENFJ it seems 'the teacher' for those of you who know what that means!)

all kinds of excitement to report... firstly I now have red hair (dark with bright red streaks!!) which has turned out just how I wanted it ... just wondering why I didn't do this earlier:) hope to put a picture up later for the benefit of those not in Sheffield..

secondly had a lovely time on Sunday - yummy Sunday lunch and nice walk (although I wouldn't repeat the experience of walking straight after lunch = legs of lead!!) and in answer to my prayers - gorgeous weather ... very windy but I do like that - makes me all bouncy!! some of my ex colleagues came along, as did my old next door neighbours (I am really going to miss them) as well as lots of lovely St Thom's people ... so nice to see everyone mix in well and spiritual stuff not go off the agenda:)

Also enjoyed Order of Mission training - had a few revelations and helped me to think further about how my ordination training is gonna fit in with that :)

God is good!

I go tomorrow - very exciting:)

some things finally clicked into place yesterday as to why i've been a little bit ambiguous about going off to vicar factory:

a) i've always worked under the 'comfortable' illusion that what i do is not significant, that i can weave through life without impacting on anybody or anything = no cast iron commitments (i can always get out of stuff 'cos it/i don't matter) & no recognition of any unavoidable long term consequences (obviously tosh when you think about it, but lovely irresponsible worldview to work under) ... going to vicar factory means that i can no longer live under that illusion - it is undeniable that whatever i do and however 'far' i get now, it will impact both me and others permanently ... no wonder i've been feeling a bit jittery, not used to acknowledging those kind of facts!

b) that with big stuff i often worry about the 'what ifs' before they even have the possibility of happening i.e. i get ahead of myself and start worrying about 'what if i change my mind & decide this is not the right thing to do then I'll let us all down' ... when there is currently no thought in my mind that suggests that this will be the case!!

Honestly I do make life complicated for myself... I think I'm hard work sometimes!
Still having realised these things I feel much more released to get excited about going to Wycliffe and in fact I'm getting slightly impatient to go ... as well wondering how I'm gonna cope with out the People and the Peaks of Sheffield!

On that note I'm really looking forward to my leaving lunch and walk from Hathersage on Sunday ... just hoping that the weather returns to the niceness of earlier in the week!

wobble, wobble ... ordination who'd do it?! tiredness, back pain from hard beds and general dislocation are resulting in little 'what on earth is this all about?!' moments, but then I think about going and I'm really peaceful and getting more excited now too! It's only when I fix on me and the theoretical (sp.?) ramifications of doing this I get scared ... when I think about getting on with the day to day things and remember that God's in charge it's fine ... hoorah!
time seems to be going fast and slow at the moment ... fast when I realise how little reading I've done in preparation ('tho I've done some!), slow when I think about how long ago it seems that I was at work and not living in this wierd limbo land... ho hum I think it'll speed up generally now there's only a week to go before departure!
waffle, waffle!!