a marathon, not a sprint?

well, tonight's service at hOME was really helpful for me in many ways - firstly in the worship, which I entered very aware of my own weakness (I really disappointed myself today - nothing major, but not something I could pretend was OK either!) and God's love and grace, and my need for them, became very evident to me... again, which was truly, deeply lovely.

secondly as Kyle was talking about John 15:9-17, it struck me that I have always thought that my Christian life is about progress and that I will get better at it. But being a Christian is fundamentally about a relationship with God, not a skill set. Relationships, like the vine and its branches, not only grow, but they also get pruned - and as they go on get more difficult and costly not less, because they bring up in you not only the nice stuff that you set out at the beginning, but if they are to be real there will also be hard times and hard things to face - which isn't progress so much as depth. That is so releasing, that as a Christian I will continue to learn and fail to learn, and practise and fail to practise what it entails, for my entire life - I will never be an expert who never gets things wrong...

So, resolution, leave behind 'modernist' values of 'progress' and embrace relationship with God - hooray!

the far side...

...of exams, and essays, and any more academic work at Oxford!! Hoorah!! It's a miracle - I had no idea how I was going to get everything done and it happened - Praise God!

So it's now just over a week since I did my last exam ever at Wycliffe, and while I didn't exactly give my greatest performance in exams (that may be an understatement...) and I am now learning the ropes of a whole new existence without the pressure of academic work hanging over me and also radically disconnecting with life in Oxford. It's taking a while, for example yesterday was really the first day I did nice things that I wanted to do and didn't do any admin ... it was lovely! I had coffee with Matt - we sat outside in the garden of the University Church cafe for a couple of hours, and then I had a picnic lunch with my old flatmate Tracy in the University Parks watching the cricket and then my friend Ruth, who is training to be a Baptist Minister at Regent's Park College, just down the road, picked me up for my first great shopping expedition in 6 months or so - my wardrobe really needed it ... we had a lovely road-trip to Reading, and never made it outside the Oracle where one of my favourite chains, Kew, has a nice big store... but with Ruth's help I did pretty well! Then after a meal together we headed back to Oxford and I rounded the day off by watching The Incredibles on DVD with my current flatmate, Kate! hooray!

and of course the rest of the time I have been busy making lists of things I need for the new house, co-ordinating my move, and looking forward to the Leaver's programme (which starts next week) and also my week's walking holiday in Spain when I finish here and before I go to Northampton!

So lot's of positives which I want to make the most of, but it must be said that emotionally and spiritually it is a funny time with lots of ups and downs and general disorientation...