more strange and more true

so it's been a long while hey? i doubt anyone bothers to check in anymore, but if perchance you have, welcome to a little ramble round what I've been thinking about Jesus recently...
...here's the thing, the more i consider Jesus and how he appeared on earth, the more strange he seems to be - recently in church we've been watching a DVD which re-enacts Matthew's gospel, using only the words of the NIV translation... and while, by restricting itself to these words, it makes an awkward script (since the disciples' side of Jesus' teaching dialogues aren't recorded very often in the gospels), it certainly brings home to me to how utterly abrasive Jesus is, and must have been in 1st century Israel, if he wasn't God, then his sanity must inevitably be questioned! It's no wonder they ended up either being part of crucifying him, or worshipping him - there's no real alternative to those options...
... and, here he is being worshipped 2000 years later, and I find myself in tears in front of the Good Friday congregation trying to pray the words of the Good Friday collect:

Almighty Father,
look with mercy on this your family
for which our Lord Jesus Christ was content to be betrayed
and given up into the hands of sinners
and to suffer death upon the cross;
who is alive and glorified with you and the Holy Spirit,
one God, now and for ever.

more strange and more true with every passing year...

Pakistan, ordination, first communion...

Pakistan was amazing - see flickr for documentary evidence... i just wish i had had more time to spend in the mountains... still glad i don't live there anymore, even thought the atmosphere around Karimabad (in the mountains) was much more chilled out than any other area of the country I ever been to...

... mad rush into ordination rehearsal, retreat and service... which was ok... not sure what to think of it really!

as for the first communion i celebrated... I had my parents and my aunt staying over, so one of my priorities on Sunday morning was making sure they were fed and watered, since I had already taken care to defrost 4 specially reserved slices of homemade bread for communion and they were ready to go…

However having arrived at church nice and early to get ready it suddenly dawned on me that I left said slices of bread in the kitchen at home ( a 10 minute walk from church) so having commandeered a mobile phone (mine was still at home) I rang back home… my Dad picks up the phone and I direct him to where I’d left the bread… he says ‘nothing there’… and I hear mum’s voice in the background saying ‘we’ve eaten it!’!!!!!!!!!! in the end they found some more bread at home and the youth worker, seeing the look of panic on my face also rushed out for a loaf… so in the end I had enough bread to share communion with the 5000 or thereabouts (if I had decided to consecrate it all obviously!)

The service itself went pretty smoothly considering the pre-service panic! Indeed some were complimentry… which merely proves there is a God and he’s gracious!

Off to Pakistan

Well, having said 10 years ago that I would love to go back and visit the mountains of Pakistan... without much effort on my part my wish is coming true, and tomorrow I am off to Islamabad where my parents (who have been houseparents to 15 teenage boys at Murree Christian School for a year) will meet me, and after catching up and chilling we are off to the wilds of Gilgit and perhaps to Sost and beyond to the Pakistan/China border!
also helps me escape the clutches of Facebook... I can't believe I've given in!

Easter = resurrection!

after leaving up that gloomy post for ages, i feel duty bound to say that things have been looking up recently - indeed one might say God's resurrection power has been at work! Easter Sunday evening i preached and helped to baptise seven guys by full immersion - definitely one of the highlights of my job!!
feeling quite challenged about my future-thinking but i guess since God's brought it up, he'll be showing me how to go about it!!
other than that I'm reading a biography of William Wilberforce which is proving fascinating to a history geek like me - he was an amazing and very likeable man! I have a feeling he has a lot to teach me!

feelin' a bit flat...

just feeling a bit jaded really, doesn't feel like there's a lot of the 'anointing' around at the moment... i think i lost my rhythm of life a bit, not a lot of spiritual rest and reflection built in, and not sure how to make it happen...
or maybe it's just because it's that time of the month, and the aches and pains etc mean i feel a bit out of sorts...
ho-hum

back from France

well, I have experienced my first French wedding... and they are long and, unsurprisingly in French - a language which I gave up for German at 14 (which I also don't speak) which wouldn't have been quite so bad, if I hadn't been absolutely exhausted already (and I'd like to say sickening for a proper head-cold) - man I'm grumpy when I'm tired... I feel like I can't handle tiredness like other people seem to - I just get selfish and desperate for sleep... however despite that having been there (and I'm still glad I went 'cos my friend, who was the bride, is so lovely and so appreciated Val and I going) I can appreciate all the cool things after the event, not during it, an irritating and yet redeeming feature in my life...

it's that time of the month again...

... when i realise i have posted in ages! sorry about that...
well, things are generally going good here, although i am at that stage where time with God of a morning is coming under severe pressure, due to inability to get out of bed and the fact that my Bible reading notes are wading through Joshua... which seems a bit bloodthirsty, and the notes writer doesn't seem to have noticed, or give any kind of recognition that 21st century sensibilities might find it a bit difficult... and 8am is not the time to be digging around commentaries... hmmm.
so, yeah, if you pray about that kind of thing pray for a new lease of life in time with God!

other than that, generally feeling more confident about the day-to-day life of being a curate, although as is my wont i am less confident about how to stay in touch with the big picture and how to gather vision... interesting times all the same!

procrastination

don't worry about yesterday, for each day has enough trouble of its own

Somehow, this new year, I seem to have come up with quite a few resolutions, almost entirely accidently (like learn some French by March - as I'm going to a wedding in la belle France, and I don't want to be the only who doesn't have a clue what's going on!) and maybe take up some spiritual disciplines with faith and hope that God will show me something new.

But probably the most important one is to spend more emotional energy on the now and the future than on the past, which has been my habit.
In other words I need to spend a whole heap less time on counting my wounds and missed opportunities, and a whole heap more on accepting I've been forgiven and have forgiven others, on celebrating my healing and grabbing the opportunities that lie ahead... an especially important resolution in a newish job and home... I have been particularly inspired by beginning to be a mentor for a young person who has loads going for her, and I don't want to waste time thinking 'I wish it had been like that for me', but to enjoy seeing her bloom in the here and now, and being blessed by the fact that God can use even me to be a blessing to her.

So there you go, something to remind me of from time to time!

back from the US of A

had a great time with Rob and Steph, and Steve and Rachael (who flew out with me) if you want to see the photos just click on the Flickr thing on the left... Myrtle Beach is pretty surreal place!

and now it's Christmas all of a sudden... life is rather full - services to organise for this year and the next, presents to buy and the bathroom is being ripped out as well! woo-hoo... still I'm glad to say that coming back to Northampton, did feel like coming home:)

s'been loooong time no speak no?

so been assiduously reading other people's blogs, but not feeling too inspired to write much myself - just been taking the temperature re: my new job... and it's pretty good, but it takes up a LOT of brain space - hence no blogging!

so, what have i been up to? well, i've joined a gym - which much to my surprise i'm really quite enjoying, and so far I've been going fairly regularly... apparently I've even lost some weight - I'm so cynical about these things, that i didn't really expect it! but that and signing up for some personal trainer sessions have been really motivating...

I've also had a few visitors, which has been really nice and I have taken at least one of them to see one of my favourite things about Northampton - and enthused to everbody else about it! a little odd perhaps, I'm just pleased that these Christians saw the light on healthy eating, and eco responsibilty long before it became fashionable! (am also loving the countryside round here, Becky T and I did a great walk round Castle Ashby last weekend).

other than that, well i'm enjoying being a curate, but although in some ways i feel like i've reached and enjoying a goal that i've been heading towards for a long time, that there's still some deep changes in identity on the horizon - how do i cope with people seeing me as a leader/clergywoman/curate - do i hide it or big it up? neither seems right to me, but i'm not sure how to find a happy medium... what is a leader after all? how do i really become one?!

off to see Rob and Steph in the States in less than two weeks time (woo-hoo!!) but in the mean time am letting Mal loose on the evening congregation at St Giles... really not sure what the result will be!!

a new pass-time...

so this is the boat i slid out of on Bank Holiday Monday... (it was v gusty and i was steering!!) certainly took my breath away and I ached for days afterwards because i've no upper body strength for hauling myself back in!




and this is where me and two colleagues puttered round the resevoir in very light winds... and i gave them a few scares by turning the boat in the wrong direction when tacking!! (oh the joy of being a learner...) I think it's good for me, because i'm a physical coward most of the time and hate looking foolish - so there's plenty of scope for challenging both whilst sailing!!

D2-ish

so, feeling a bit hormonally-challenged last two days, plus the kick back of delivering my last sermon v badly and having to lead the morning service next two weeks with the vicar on holiday... its times like this I miss having my close friends and family around...

talking of which, Mum and Dad finally arrived in Pakistan today to be houseparents to 5 teenage boys (!) at Murree Christian School for 10 months... thankfully they can come back for my first Christmas here and I will go out and join them for a bit of a holiday before I'm priested in June next year... funny though, them being that far away, I think with Skype it should be better than when they were in Bangladesh for 6 months a couple of years ago...

St Giles, Northampton and all that jazz...

as promised, some photos of 'where I am' ...

here you see they are pretty quick off the mark at St Giles and have already got my name on the noticeboard... very scary and official looking!

and this is the house and my first car... worryingly grown up I think!

and a photo of the church building itself... complete with parishoner leaving after the Sunday morning service!!