y'know I've been thinking recently (too much no doubt) that how you think of yourself is often a bit 'out of date'...
shall i give an example? well i tend to think that i can just about stand traditional Anglican, liturgy/old hymn-heavy services (which we'll call 'A') and actually despite my rather accidental involvement in new ways of doing church for the last 3 years (shall we call that 'B'?!) that i don't really fit there, as i didn't arrive in huff with ordinary church. I had actually done OK sustaining my faith at ordinary largish Anglican charismatic churches and i have this thought that one day i'll move out of this 'trendy' (which doesn't quite fit with my image of myself as a bit square!) phase back into 'bog-standard' Anglican worship ...

... Yesterday I discovered that that's not really true anymore as the sharp contrast between the Ash Wednesday service at college which was very much 'A' (with some truly uninspiring hymns i'd never heard of written just after the 1st millennium) and a rant from the Bishop of Buckingham about I'm not sure what (but along the lines of we're really terrible at showing Jesus to people aren't we?)
... and then just an hour later was at hOME's Ash Wednesday service which was awesome ('B') we did have liturgy - but focusing on the particular stuff we need to repent of now (consumerism, desire for fame, food focus, lack of attention to the poor) - and ashing from burning up symbols of that stuff - which was powerful... I actually met with God in the worship ('trendy' dance based songs) and so repentance and freedom actually meant something in my life right now ... i think this could be telling me something! be interesting to see how God works this out through my jobs post-Wycliffe!

God is Good:) just been at a great communion service @ college - i just feel really privileged to be amongst people who really want to be true worshippers of God and to create a place to be real with each other:) so many other things to be thankful for too - good friends here, hOME (i.e. church!), so much material provision, knowing that God loves me and that whatever happens I'm safe with Him...

y'know the advantage and disadvantage of this knowledge really hit home yesterday when I went to see 'Touching the Void' of the book of the same name - y'know the mountaineering one where the guy cuts the rope?! Anyhow Joe Simpson, the one who falls into a crevasse and crawls out of it and many miles back to base camp with a broken leg, when his mates things he's dead for sure - in the midst of it he decides for sure that he doesn't believe in God (not great) which is just so depressing, with his consequent terrible aloness and yet that is what drives him to keep going through terrible privation and pain - he was determined not to die alone... i think if he had believed in God he wouldn't have been so determined to get back. I know I would have just thought 'well take me now Lord I'm looking forward to heaven anyhow'! That loneliness kept him alive... not sure what to think about that... maybe it's more of an insight into my laziness/cowardice than anything else!

sigh... v tired... ah well 'worse things happen at sea' ... apparently ... according to my (formerly) annoying little brother!
Anyhow lots of good things happening in my life - feeling a bit more involved, mainly due to brief spurt of volunteering for stuff!
One really good thing, which when I'm less tired, I will be really excited about is the new 'small group' I've joined @ 'hOME' it's mission is getting involved in the arts/cafe culture scene ... and it's just a really great group of people and we had a great laugh and getting to know each other session last night ... partly based around sharing a book/film that has meant a great deal to you and why... inevitably mine was LOTR 'cos it made me think alot about courage, stepping up to leadership/responsibility even if you doubt yourself and about friendship - we all had a really good chat about the characters we most identify with and why - it was just an illuminating and somehow 'safer' way of getting to know each other - i recommend it:)

finally started sorting my links out - is it terrible blog-ettiquette not to have done this earlier? and is it wierd to link to people's blogs who you don't know that well, but they have great things to say?

also, since i am at theological college!:

"What a mystery is this, that Christianity should have done so little good in the world! Can any account of this be given? Can any reasons be assigned for it?"

You are John Wesley! When things don't sit well with you, you make a big production and argue your way through everything. You complain a lot, but, at least you are a thinker and not afraid to show it. You are also pretty liked by people, and pretty methodological about your life and goals. You know where you're going. Some people find you irritating, so watch out for people leaving you out of things they do.

What theologian are you?

A creation of Henderson


hmmm... little bit too indulgent of my paranoid side... the first time i did it i came out as Augustine which is a little cooler i think!
ah well 'pride before the fall' as they say!

yet another update on the health of Ms N Hill...
Today is my second full day out of hospital, after being taken in, by ambulance, to the John Radcliffe at about 2.30am on Wednesday with extreme acute stomach pain (due to screams - flatmates thought i was being murdered!!) the doctors have no idea what caused it, but i am considerably better now and hope to be going at full speed by the end of the week! very painful and very inconvienient (sp.?)...

however had lots of lovely people visit me and send cards and stuff, including soon-to-be-beatified flatmates who visited every day:) i had a room to myself (a good thing when your visitors are raucous theological students!) and morphine for much of the time i was there ... so it's not like i wasn't looked after - thanks to the big G for all that:)

of course any prayers that this doesn't reoccur and they find out what i've got would also be appreciated;)

other than life has rather passed me by ... although due to the wonders of modern technology i had my own personal tv/'phone/radio set in my room so i am well up on daytime tv!!

sooo sometime soon i've got to write a sermon for my first outside preach (aaarghh), get cracking on my essays and generally sort out the life that went on hold last week!

take care y'all!

ho-hum ... the poverty of being reduced to dial-up... means less blogging! (as does holidays, overdue essays and parents leaving the country for six months!)

well i haven't said anything of much interest for ages really have I? now apologies to the pagans who read this, but here's a spot of 'God-stuff' - if you want more mundane news i've done an email thingie, so email me and i'll reply with my latest day-to-day news;)

.... something i've been thinking about for the last few days is the fact as Christians we need to leave our nationality behind to some extent - that often being proud of/preferential to the way our country of origin does things is a hindrance to following Jesus. Something I had to learn when I went to the US last May... to be challenged about my prejudice against the 'States (the last acceptable prejudice in the UK?) which looked very similar to hatred and anger and jealousy when i was actually there - not really godly is it?!

It just not something you ever hear taught on - I guess it's easy for nationality to become a blindspot 'cos that's the most encompassing environment you are in - yet it's really biblical, there's the whole thing about being equal in the site of God:
Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. but also our identity, being as citizens of heaven:

they [people in the Old Testament] admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country--a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
Hebrews 11

Something to chew on... i might come back to this another time, but for the moment:

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our "God is a consuming fire."

does that make any sense? very tired and should be writing an essay on the prophet Amos and Third World debt

woo-hoo! have worked out how to do comments all by my very own self... please feel free to add some! ... it may not sound much to some of you, but I think it's quite good especially since I've never done any kind of computing course (not even word for dummies..)! still need lessons on how to make this thing look a bit nicer, rather than 'blog-standard' ...

You are glucose. People feed off of you. You are
sweet, caring, and a source of energy for
everyone around you. You can inspire others
with your creativity and depth, and you can
keep people alive when in times of famine.
People love you...or at least the way you
taste.


hmmm bit wierd but then the 'soul' one was wierd too - I came out as artistic or rebellious which while fun isn't really me! (see bea and andy's blog)

Well the long weekend away was FAB - a real answer to several people's prayers (thanks to God and those that prayed) despite the crazy one-night-in-each-place scenario it was actually really refreshing (something to do with getting away from Wycliffe I think!)

The time at the young leaders forum was just a fantastic space to reflect on some of the stuff that I've been going through over the last term and also to hear from God - be challenged to be less self-centred and rediscover my gifts of encouragement etc. - explains why blogging has been so difficult - I've been a little self-obsessed and haven't been taking time to reflect and therefore haven't had much to say!

Mainly what I reflected on tho' was getting my priorities right as I go through this training - knowing what's top (getting to know God better and being transformed into a more Christ-like person) and using that knowledge as a filter to balance what I spend the most time on/ how I look at the experiences I'm having i.e.
What is God showing me about himself and about me through this (good/bad/frustrating/busy) time?
What is coming to the top?
Am I paying attention?
Am I living life in context or getting things out of proportion?! (the answer to the last one is too often 'yes'!)

Eddie was fantastic - now of course will need to purchase the DVD to watch it all again and be able to include random quotes in conversation when it gets boring/i want to startle people! Really cool to catch up with Cathers and drive over the Snake Pass with her in the pouring rain and see the Peak District (sigh!) again. [really must get my sidebar links sorted out!]

Sheffield was so lovely - really nice to be amongst people who know me well and have a rather ruder sense of humour than most theological students! But also made me appreciate being out of the amazing, but rather all-encompassing, world of St Thomas' Church - I've enjoyed having new perspectives and experiences of church!

'hOME' is going well and I'm beginning to feel more part of it - just need to keep combatting my bad habit of running away and thinking I'll be found out as a rather dull 'un-trendy' person any minute now (not that any of us are super trendy!) ... the bad habits of a life time take a long time to break!

must go - have Gender, the Bible and Us now - very interesting!!

don't have much of worth to say, but on the good news front am still alive, bit more chilled, got goodish marks for my first 3 essays, am going to see Eddie Izzard next Friday in Manchester with Cathers and then on to wonderful Sheffield (29th), and back doesn't hurt half as much as it used to:)

on the bad news side, still behind on essay deadlines, some of the practical training here is so horribly out of date it's not funny ('yes you can talk at people for 20 minutes without visual aids and they won't drop off to sleep... if they do its because they are stupid and have the attention span of a goldfish' ... not a direct quote!) not sure how i'm gonna deal with 3 years of this... ho hum

oh happy day! have handed my pagans v. Christians essay (1st round only - 1st-3rd centuries AD) ... now onto Postmodernism woo-hoo:) (seriously I'm hoping I can waffle about this with the minimum of fuss ... surely 3 years at St Thom's has some effect?!)

Anyhow as part of my 'research' (procrastination) I discovered this link on the 24-7 website ... very amusing!! Surely the answer to any 'mission' worries guilty Christians might have?!

would love to know how to put up a comments thingy for things like this... email me if you have a moment!

ahh so much has happened and yet so little brain to tell about it! So briefly last few weeks:

*Matthew essay = hell ... eventually 'finish'
*meet up with brother briefly back from Sudan:)
*onto next essay - Church history - Christians v. Pagans/Roman Empire = going well surprise, surprise
*suddenly get violently ill with gastroenteritis, spend a whole week in bed recovering and not eating anything/ struggling to keep water down!
*during illness saint-like flatmates look after me above and beyond the call of duty!
*finally am back to land of living, and am horribly behind with work ... again!

i am not quite at the stage of tackling said work, but may try this afternoon ... i should give thanks not just for aforementioned flatmates, but also to God for generally just being there even in my darkest moments, a beautiful tree just outside my window, family, good friends, life back in perspective and looking forward to Christmas ... hoorah!

crappitycrap ... another essay ... another stress!! grrr stop and started so many times, I'm really confused and may have to start again - and i've got another 3 years of an essay a week... will i ever get better at them? I hope so!! it's supposed to be reading week (ie chilling out a little bit)!! I think i'm too conscientious:( I used to think it was a good thing... but recently I've been wishing I didn't have to see the consequences (long and short term) so clearly, and just sack off work and have a good time... one day?!

Still, am going to 'home' (see link on side bar) tonight which should be good ... especially since it's the first worship thing i'll've been to - last week i had an identity crisis & was really unorganised and forgot to go to three meetings, including the first home worship service thing - normally i'm ms. hyper-organised - oh Lord what is happening?!

wobble, wobble, wobble .... it'll be alright in the end I'm sure?!

Hey!

Went to see Raising Victor Vargas last night - which was great... Rob and Steph thought it was amazing too! Totally on the button about the frustrations and fumblings of trying to get through being a teenager (which I tried to run away from at the time!)...

it really cheered me up as well, not just because it was a great film but 'cos i got out of college and did something normal!

obviously thinking too much as it's my 3rd blog of the afternoon (see below & thethingaboutit...!)

anyhow ... been meaning to put this up for a while - came to me via Dave and Niki Foote...

How Christians live victoriously in the midst of persecution (Research done in 70 countries with 400 people)

1. they know Jesus
2. they know the intimacy of prayer
3. they have committed large portions of scripture to memory
4. they have indigenous music
5. they feel they are prayed for
6. they know their family is cared for
7. they know their suffering is for Jesus
8. they believe suffering is normal
9. they claimed their freedom
10. they have lost their fear
11. ‘genealogy’ – have learnt from their ‘fathers’ (earthly or spiritual)

Challenging or what?!

OK, was gonna blog all my little moans and worries... however just been convicted by remembering what I was reading in Mike Pilavachi's book 'Wasteland?' that in the desert you need to remember to give thanks 'cos then when abundance comes you'll know where the good stuff comes from and won't get proud.... so here goes:

I am really thankful for my new friends Rob and Steph Sturdy - they are such great people... really fun to hang out with and also totally sold out for God:) (and helping me to get right through my USA prejudices)

I am really thankful that I've got a couple of emails from friends in Sheffield today - Cathers Pearson, and Hannah Stoney and that really cheered my up and made me feel loved! And that I talked with my friend Becky Taylor, and my Mum on the phone last night:)

I am thankful for the amazing provisions I have materially - home, clothes, food provided and cooked for me, teachers, books, education in general, equipment etc etc

I am really thankful that God never leaves me alone... even if that's uncomfortable sometimes... 'cos he's got a purpose, a place and people for me to be involved with!!

PRAISE GOD - HE IS GOOD!

ooo exciting new thingie on the side bar (look right) so you can put me in your outlook address book ... think it's a good thing!!

[1st essay done - on to no. 2 - Matthew's distinctive interests and emphases... oh joy ... when I discover how one meets God through writing an essay I'll let y'all know!]

Well, had lots of thought-provoking, emotion stirring talks today - in both good and bad ways...

1st up was Mr Alan Storkey (husband of Elaine) on Power today - especially focusing on Military Power - interesting stuff but far too much stuff alluded to with assumption of prior knowledge and values which was quite frustrating i.e. we all knew about 'Seargent Bilko' and the kind of US reliance on the military it implied or we had all come to the conclusion that 'war is wrong'...

then was the racism talk by an amazing woman from Zimbabwe ... sadly cut short, but I can tell that it's gonna be personally really challenging over the next few weeks

finally an 'extra' lecture on different streams not of Christianity, but of evangelicalism!! SOOO frustrating - I'm sure I came to college to be equipped to help others be disciples and disciple others to Jesus... not disappear up theological dead end debates about what we call each other... (I could be ruder but I don't think that would help!)

sooo yeah... well the essay is chugging along nicely now, thank you for asking ;) generally feeling a little bit more chilled out at the moment - I think it must be all the prayer I've been getting lately - mainly for my back... but you know how God slips in 'freebies' when you get prayed for! On that subject my back is so much better - I think it's been one of those 'healing by degrees' things - each time I got prayed for a specific area of pain got dealt with ... nearly there now - feels like God's been working on my shoulder and very stiff and painful neck all day (after being prayed for at chapel) and they've progressively getting better - yay God:) ! (this morning I couldn't turn over in bed it was so painful and now I can turn my head from side to side with minimal discomfort:)

did I mention all Church of England ordinands have to go to chapel every weekday morning? here at Wycliffe we are real slackers 'cos we go after breakfast at 8:20am ... whereas at least two other colleges I've heard of they have chapel prayers at 7am before half an hour's silence for personal devotions and then breakfast!! (also on Wednesday's we meet in 'fellowship groups' instead of chapel)... it's a tough life! still not sure if it's sunk in that this is gonna be part of my term time life for the next 3 years...

lectures have been good so far - when we get to go to main Uni lectures (as opposed to Wycliffe based ones) - it's quite awe inspiring to go to these ancient buildings and mix in with these v. brainy undergrads! good fun too:) we matriculate tomorrow (first dressing up session!) ... I'll let y'all know how it goes and what it involves (assuming I don't get sworn to secrecy!)

ooo quick mention for my new friends Rob and Steph from Alabama, USA - what great people - I've had lots of laughs hanging out with them already :) I must really be getting over my USA predjudices!! (Rob is doing ordination training too:)

ta ta for now!

I love these quizzy things (must be v Gen X - who am I? I can reinvent myself anytime I like!... least that's what Elaine Storkey said in our lecture yesterday...)

My inner child is sixteen years old!

Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
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