so, anyhow

on friday was at the commune filling in my Order of Mission form (finally!) doing the type-up computery bits, before I started I had wee chat with the girls who were there for tea, including the lovely Abigail about blogging and how different it is having your own blog, rather than posting on thethingaboutit - 'cos that's for several specific purposes ... thanksgiving, prayer requests, notices etc.

whereas here ... what should I waffle about? Well (and I'm just extravert-processing through this) I'm thinking I'll talk a bit about my relationship with God, have a dash of introspection (always helpful to me to get it OUT of my head!!) and interesting stuff I've found/ am studying (when I get to Wycliffe) - along the lines of the Ruth Dellar and Marshall model of blogging.
I'm hoping I can weave that into my day/week without it becoming a burden!

Anyway Home cluster and friends had a lovely one-night-only camping trip to Edale - the weather was amazing, the scenery breathtaking, the Birchenalls did a fab job of organising everybody without it feeling like we were in the army and the company was encouraging/amusing/foolish...

so why couldn't I feel the awesomeness of it all? (I did enjoy it, but felt a bit 'disconnected') I had a bit of a chat to God about it and I think it was a mixture of overfamiliarity with the lovely Edale (moving to Oxford will cure that I think ... a strange 'plus'!), tiredness (never cope with that very well) and stilll being haunted by feelings of insecurity ... grr! I realised a month or two ago that insecurity has been part of my life for so long, that it's almost become part of my identity (i.e. I expect to feel 'on the outside' a lot of the time)... I think the fact that God has shown me that, means that he's dealing with it too, but it is annoying - 'cos I know that I'm a child of God, valuable, etc. in my head, but I don't feel it/even remember it a great deal of the time! C'MON LORD!