Noticeable by His absence...

One of the things I've been doing recently is reading some blogs of people involved in doing church 'new' ways ... and I'm kind of disappointed (or maybe I haven't been logging on often enough;), ... there's lots of interesting discussion about what we do and what we think about it. They are, of course, discussions and ideas that need to be shared, but that's not what I care about the most when doing/being church, any kind of style of church ...

What I am excited about is that we get to be disciples of Jesus, to enter his presence without fear, to be transformed into the people we were meant to be, to tell people that they are loved and wanted no matter what (that's what I love the most about being a Christian, getting to love people like God does:).. and that's what I really want to hear about when people are doing new kinds of church - is the creativity and freshness of 'emerging church' releasing people to be more effective disciples? are we enabled to be more generous and Spirit filled? ultimately is it a place where we meet God in an even deeper way? if so I want to catch some of that!
I don't care, really, what the church does or what it looks like if not... I guess testimonies are hard to write without seeming super-spiritual, but surely it must be possible? well I guess if it's possible I'd better start looking around me too;)

clearly procrastinating now (avoiding writing a long overdue essay on Luther!)... picked a new template - quite like it, trying to go for that 'old book' look to match the chronicles theme - however since i blog purely through guess work have lost a few features... nothing too drastic I hope!

any feedback on the profile (by those who know me!!) would be great - not sure this really reflects me, but couldn't put my finger on more than what i'm doing at the moment to be able to put it down into words!

btw hello Elaine Storkey (one of my tutors) I found out the other day she's read my blog a couple of times... scary!

so Trinity Term and my first year at Wycliffe is over ... craziness! In some ways it has sped past, but in other ways I struggle to remember life outside this bubble or imagine life after it.
Quite scary saying goodbye to all those who are going on to curacies right now - moving fully into the whole life vocation that ordination is i.e. living in goldfish bowl! I guess i'm still trying to imagine what kind of place i want to go to and how on earth i'd cope with doing it on my own (i'd really rather not) - anywhere God's on the move and i can join in would be good;)
I watched the film 'The Mission' the other day for the first time - beautiful and thought provoking ... as a subsidary reflction, i could really see for the first time when i looked at the Jesuit priests why being single can really be an advantage when you are trying to take a stand for things that are right and will put you in danger... very challenging. Anyhow a great film with a great soundtrack!

hello, hello!

thanks to all who commented - good to know i'm not just talking to myself... carry on commenting;)

well been quite enjoying myself recently - we had a college ball, which was actually great fun, really well organised, lots of people and i didn't run away (or even want to) - which is often my reaction to these things.

the sunny weather definitely helps cheeriness ratings, as does good chats with lots of lovely people at Wycliffe - i do like this place... even if lacks the perfection of being in Sheffield and Oxford at the same time!!

second lot of sermons coming up on Sunday, so that should be fun, especially as i've had a lot more recent experience of speaking than i did last time round!

am actually looking forward to summer hols now - short trip to Italy, family holiday in Devon and probably a couple of weeks in Sheff at the end of August... must remember to do my essays too!

....and finally, as originally identified on my trip to South Carolina, USA

I am 92.5% British, just like
HRH Prince Charles
Though you'll never be king you certainly know where your castle is.

Take the Brit Quiz at
darrenlondon.tripod.com/britquiz1.htm


just in case you hadn't guessed!

just received 'complaint' about lack of posting from me ... well it's nice to know somebody reads it (hi wendy;)... please do comment if you visit even if just to say 'hello' then i know i'm not just being self indulgent...

that said what shall i tell y'all now? well i went to the 'big [poetry] slam' on sunday which was awesome - just amazing collection of funny poignant angry beautiful poets and poetry, tho' there were a few quite aggresively against Christianity, but i came to the conclusion that it's good to be offended once in a while and check out why that is and whether you should be! the 'old-hands' won the competition - the USA team (where slams began) .. check out this link about Taylor Mali their 'top' poet (against Oxford, London and Birmingham - was sorry not to hear more from Brum there was some particularly top guys on that team) also went to say 'hi' to Steve Larkin, one of the Oxford comperes, who i had heard quoted my previous entry on the many merits of the 'hammer and tongue' evening at another event ... i sometimes forget this is the public domain!! but anyhow, a top bloke :) i'm looking forward to the next time i can go already...

other than that? well trying, but largely failing, to work ... too busy doing other stuff and sunnyness outside isn't helping either ... also wondering how to arrange my summer ... 14 scary weeks off (term ends on 18th June!!) - anybody want to go travellin?! tho am really looking forward to Mum and Dad being back in the country after their 6 months in Bangladesh with Interserve.. and I'll get to see David (little bruvver) and his 'new' Kenyan girlfriend Monica too :) while he is back from Kenya/ Sudan!

well i know it's been awhile - i've been busy revising for my first two exams in 8 years - Old and New Testament... whilst i don't really have a clue how the exams went, the revision was good - finally things, important things like the history of Israel and how fits in with the rest of the world, has begun to fall into place - so i guess as long as i pass these exams the point of having them - learning your stuff - has already been achieved for me:) which is nice.

other than that the shortest term is already in its 3rd of 8 weeks - very scary!! then i will have something ridiculous like 14 weeks holiday to fill ... i do have 2 long essays to do but i'm not planning to fill all those weeks with work!! so any suggestions gratefully received - [jargon alert...] New Wine A is the only thing booked in so far - going with peeps from 'hOME' church here in Oxford - they're gonna be involved in leading some funky dance/chill-out style worship as part of the emerging church stream... [jargon over]

tonight our fellowship group i'm in played croquet and drank pimms on the lawn... a fun attempt at being a proper Oxford college!

so today has been a good day - i even enjoyed the first day of our 'Sex and Marriage' Integrated Study Week:) we got to run thru how to take a wedding service... be afraid, very afraid!! (don't worry we do get more training on that before we are let loose!!) generally tho (and i guess that's why i haven't been posting.. aside from the revision excuse) i've been quite up and down emotionally struggling with feelings of loneliness - doesn't always seem to connect with my situation logically but there you go!
got a new Spiritual Director tho' who really 'gets' me and is very wise too:) hoorah!

gosh i have been saving a lot up haven't i? and i thought i didn't have anything to say!!

New Wine Ordinands conference in Nottingham yesterday - v good just to be prayed for and tho' "through the glass darkly" to re-connect with God again, to take decisions as I'm being prayed for to trust Him rather than go 'yeah, whatever' - which is what i do to almost anything positive that comes my way whether from Jesus or from even my dearest friends...

today i read the book we got given about John Wimber (a v cool chilled out American pastor who founded a worldwide movement for those of you who don't know;) which has been v refreshing and challenging by turns - what really got me was his focus on what Jesus wanted and that he really didn't get the insecure competitive/comparing thing - something I often struggle with. It just brought home to me that God calls me to serve him as me, and become more like the me he designed me to be - not anyone else - however much I admire them! I so want to learn this lesson and not have to keep re-taking it!! Lots of prayer and repentence I guess:)

back again... after another foray away from Oxford

this time on a college 'mission' to Cheltenham - tiring, confusing and by turns discouraging and encouraging... but good to see three different churches in action and seeing people encouraged in sharing their faith and in hearing a bit more about it .. will reflect more on it some time soon.

but good to be back in my own space again!

ahhh am home, (back in Oxford... it's nice to know that this is my home for now, a place where i feel safe:) Sheffield was great tho' - I didn't see everybody which is slightly distressing in one sense, ('cos I love you all!) but also good as well - in that I got to spend some quality time with people who i love dearly - I feel v blessed to know such amazing people... it really is a privilege! to hear how God is moving in their lives and to chat through with them how i am and get their wisdom just really refreshing!

also the Lent-style stripped-down acoustic worship at the 6pm evening service at St Thom's was great... i do love that church:)

a new experience was having a car in Sheff - kept getting slightly misdirected... knew where i was but wasn't where i wanted to be! the responsibility of having such a powerful and expensive thing under my care was a bit stressful actually ... i'm sure i'll get used to it... although the abysmal M1 did not help either way! not sure what says about me and responsibilty, if anything!

This week at college we are taking an intensive look at Christian youth and children’s work in and out of church, which has been very inspiring … what I’m wondering is if (as has been persuasively put) all generations are part of the family of God, and we lose out if we don’t give and receive from each other within this … then how do we justify single generational church like hOME?

I really miss having kids around and the blessing they are… and also, as we talked about at hOME last week, the ‘wise old-heads’ for wisdom and experience… I know it’s harder work, but it is often worth it!

I guess if I process what I’ve found the most valuable thing I’ve found about being in a group of just my own generation is a chance to find and express my own identity in worship. Often in cross generational church we go for the inoffensive middle which doesn’t allow that … I’ve seen so much creativity in em gen church – which is so God as far as I’m concerned! Can you do candles and dance music with kids? possibly… With older people? probably not!! gotta serve?

BUT I have been really blessed by children in the past and I loved growing up as a kid in church of all ages – being part of a bigger family than just my biological family and feeling that sense of belonging. So I’d love to be part of giving and sharing that with another generation of children… get this 72% of people who come to faith through the Alpha course in the UK, had some kind of contact with the church as children… what about the children of this generation only 4% of whom have any meaningful contact with church?!

well just been to the hammer and tongue 'poetry slam' at the (absolutely packed) 'brickworks' on the Cowley Road in Oxford (the more interesting bit of Oxford for those of you up norf;) with my small group/huddle/mission expression of hOME . The poetry slam was v. cool - there was a couple of black poets from NYC on tour (apparently poetry slams are huge over there) who were amazing - funny, angry, 'paranoid' and gracious and then some local non-professional poets who were entering the 'slam'.

The place was just full of such a cool bunch of really diverse people black, white, young, old, a goodly smattering of eco-warrior/hippy types (I think if I hadn't been so heavily committed to the church for my entire life I would have gone and joined these people at the eco-demonstrations/ parties/ protests) it was great... especially since I spend most of my time with (lovely:) white middle class ordinands! people were just being friendly, encouraging to these v cool poets, who were raw, funny and 'conscious' - doing community and protest (next time it's in aid of fair trade/ anti corporate/ stopping climate change I am definitely going back! I wish the church was much more like that.... I am very excited tho' that I've been (re)introduced to this world, especially when so much of my training is so mono-cultural!
When people become Christians do we expect them to fit in with our culture? often i think!

just followed one of the ad's at the top of my blog to find this ohmiword!

y'know I've been thinking recently (too much no doubt) that how you think of yourself is often a bit 'out of date'...
shall i give an example? well i tend to think that i can just about stand traditional Anglican, liturgy/old hymn-heavy services (which we'll call 'A') and actually despite my rather accidental involvement in new ways of doing church for the last 3 years (shall we call that 'B'?!) that i don't really fit there, as i didn't arrive in huff with ordinary church. I had actually done OK sustaining my faith at ordinary largish Anglican charismatic churches and i have this thought that one day i'll move out of this 'trendy' (which doesn't quite fit with my image of myself as a bit square!) phase back into 'bog-standard' Anglican worship ...

... Yesterday I discovered that that's not really true anymore as the sharp contrast between the Ash Wednesday service at college which was very much 'A' (with some truly uninspiring hymns i'd never heard of written just after the 1st millennium) and a rant from the Bishop of Buckingham about I'm not sure what (but along the lines of we're really terrible at showing Jesus to people aren't we?)
... and then just an hour later was at hOME's Ash Wednesday service which was awesome ('B') we did have liturgy - but focusing on the particular stuff we need to repent of now (consumerism, desire for fame, food focus, lack of attention to the poor) - and ashing from burning up symbols of that stuff - which was powerful... I actually met with God in the worship ('trendy' dance based songs) and so repentance and freedom actually meant something in my life right now ... i think this could be telling me something! be interesting to see how God works this out through my jobs post-Wycliffe!

God is Good:) just been at a great communion service @ college - i just feel really privileged to be amongst people who really want to be true worshippers of God and to create a place to be real with each other:) so many other things to be thankful for too - good friends here, hOME (i.e. church!), so much material provision, knowing that God loves me and that whatever happens I'm safe with Him...

y'know the advantage and disadvantage of this knowledge really hit home yesterday when I went to see 'Touching the Void' of the book of the same name - y'know the mountaineering one where the guy cuts the rope?! Anyhow Joe Simpson, the one who falls into a crevasse and crawls out of it and many miles back to base camp with a broken leg, when his mates things he's dead for sure - in the midst of it he decides for sure that he doesn't believe in God (not great) which is just so depressing, with his consequent terrible aloness and yet that is what drives him to keep going through terrible privation and pain - he was determined not to die alone... i think if he had believed in God he wouldn't have been so determined to get back. I know I would have just thought 'well take me now Lord I'm looking forward to heaven anyhow'! That loneliness kept him alive... not sure what to think about that... maybe it's more of an insight into my laziness/cowardice than anything else!

sigh... v tired... ah well 'worse things happen at sea' ... apparently ... according to my (formerly) annoying little brother!
Anyhow lots of good things happening in my life - feeling a bit more involved, mainly due to brief spurt of volunteering for stuff!
One really good thing, which when I'm less tired, I will be really excited about is the new 'small group' I've joined @ 'hOME' it's mission is getting involved in the arts/cafe culture scene ... and it's just a really great group of people and we had a great laugh and getting to know each other session last night ... partly based around sharing a book/film that has meant a great deal to you and why... inevitably mine was LOTR 'cos it made me think alot about courage, stepping up to leadership/responsibility even if you doubt yourself and about friendship - we all had a really good chat about the characters we most identify with and why - it was just an illuminating and somehow 'safer' way of getting to know each other - i recommend it:)

finally started sorting my links out - is it terrible blog-ettiquette not to have done this earlier? and is it wierd to link to people's blogs who you don't know that well, but they have great things to say?

also, since i am at theological college!:

"What a mystery is this, that Christianity should have done so little good in the world! Can any account of this be given? Can any reasons be assigned for it?"

You are John Wesley! When things don't sit well with you, you make a big production and argue your way through everything. You complain a lot, but, at least you are a thinker and not afraid to show it. You are also pretty liked by people, and pretty methodological about your life and goals. You know where you're going. Some people find you irritating, so watch out for people leaving you out of things they do.

What theologian are you?

A creation of Henderson


hmmm... little bit too indulgent of my paranoid side... the first time i did it i came out as Augustine which is a little cooler i think!
ah well 'pride before the fall' as they say!

yet another update on the health of Ms N Hill...
Today is my second full day out of hospital, after being taken in, by ambulance, to the John Radcliffe at about 2.30am on Wednesday with extreme acute stomach pain (due to screams - flatmates thought i was being murdered!!) the doctors have no idea what caused it, but i am considerably better now and hope to be going at full speed by the end of the week! very painful and very inconvienient (sp.?)...

however had lots of lovely people visit me and send cards and stuff, including soon-to-be-beatified flatmates who visited every day:) i had a room to myself (a good thing when your visitors are raucous theological students!) and morphine for much of the time i was there ... so it's not like i wasn't looked after - thanks to the big G for all that:)

of course any prayers that this doesn't reoccur and they find out what i've got would also be appreciated;)

other than life has rather passed me by ... although due to the wonders of modern technology i had my own personal tv/'phone/radio set in my room so i am well up on daytime tv!!

sooo sometime soon i've got to write a sermon for my first outside preach (aaarghh), get cracking on my essays and generally sort out the life that went on hold last week!

take care y'all!

ho-hum ... the poverty of being reduced to dial-up... means less blogging! (as does holidays, overdue essays and parents leaving the country for six months!)

well i haven't said anything of much interest for ages really have I? now apologies to the pagans who read this, but here's a spot of 'God-stuff' - if you want more mundane news i've done an email thingie, so email me and i'll reply with my latest day-to-day news;)

.... something i've been thinking about for the last few days is the fact as Christians we need to leave our nationality behind to some extent - that often being proud of/preferential to the way our country of origin does things is a hindrance to following Jesus. Something I had to learn when I went to the US last May... to be challenged about my prejudice against the 'States (the last acceptable prejudice in the UK?) which looked very similar to hatred and anger and jealousy when i was actually there - not really godly is it?!

It just not something you ever hear taught on - I guess it's easy for nationality to become a blindspot 'cos that's the most encompassing environment you are in - yet it's really biblical, there's the whole thing about being equal in the site of God:
Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. but also our identity, being as citizens of heaven:

they [people in the Old Testament] admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country--a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
Hebrews 11

Something to chew on... i might come back to this another time, but for the moment:

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our "God is a consuming fire."

does that make any sense? very tired and should be writing an essay on the prophet Amos and Third World debt

woo-hoo! have worked out how to do comments all by my very own self... please feel free to add some! ... it may not sound much to some of you, but I think it's quite good especially since I've never done any kind of computing course (not even word for dummies..)! still need lessons on how to make this thing look a bit nicer, rather than 'blog-standard' ...

You are glucose. People feed off of you. You are
sweet, caring, and a source of energy for
everyone around you. You can inspire others
with your creativity and depth, and you can
keep people alive when in times of famine.
People love you...or at least the way you
taste.


hmmm bit wierd but then the 'soul' one was wierd too - I came out as artistic or rebellious which while fun isn't really me! (see bea and andy's blog)

Well the long weekend away was FAB - a real answer to several people's prayers (thanks to God and those that prayed) despite the crazy one-night-in-each-place scenario it was actually really refreshing (something to do with getting away from Wycliffe I think!)

The time at the young leaders forum was just a fantastic space to reflect on some of the stuff that I've been going through over the last term and also to hear from God - be challenged to be less self-centred and rediscover my gifts of encouragement etc. - explains why blogging has been so difficult - I've been a little self-obsessed and haven't been taking time to reflect and therefore haven't had much to say!

Mainly what I reflected on tho' was getting my priorities right as I go through this training - knowing what's top (getting to know God better and being transformed into a more Christ-like person) and using that knowledge as a filter to balance what I spend the most time on/ how I look at the experiences I'm having i.e.
What is God showing me about himself and about me through this (good/bad/frustrating/busy) time?
What is coming to the top?
Am I paying attention?
Am I living life in context or getting things out of proportion?! (the answer to the last one is too often 'yes'!)

Eddie was fantastic - now of course will need to purchase the DVD to watch it all again and be able to include random quotes in conversation when it gets boring/i want to startle people! Really cool to catch up with Cathers and drive over the Snake Pass with her in the pouring rain and see the Peak District (sigh!) again. [really must get my sidebar links sorted out!]

Sheffield was so lovely - really nice to be amongst people who know me well and have a rather ruder sense of humour than most theological students! But also made me appreciate being out of the amazing, but rather all-encompassing, world of St Thomas' Church - I've enjoyed having new perspectives and experiences of church!

'hOME' is going well and I'm beginning to feel more part of it - just need to keep combatting my bad habit of running away and thinking I'll be found out as a rather dull 'un-trendy' person any minute now (not that any of us are super trendy!) ... the bad habits of a life time take a long time to break!

must go - have Gender, the Bible and Us now - very interesting!!