remember, remember...

that life is good! I'm feeling really positive about life, the universe and everything at the moment, and I'm trying to write that down in as many places as possible, to come back to when the next turn of the wheel comes - that here on the 'mountain top' I can see things in their proper perspective (?) - to remind myself that I have some really good friends, that God loves me and that I'm part of some amazing communities.

It's not that there aren't things I'm struggling with - I'm still not brilliant at getting on top of the workload (but I'm not worrying about it quite so much), I still don't like being single (but I don't feel like a complete loser about it as I did a few months ago), I'm thinking through my faith, what it means to me and how much I really believe - how much of difference is it making to my life? And is there anything I can do to deepen my relationship with God? But I'm actually quite excited about that, despite the one step forward, two steps back progress I often make - after all having a better grasp on the fact that I can rely on God's love and faithfulness means it's not really about me, it's about discovering more of Him and His resources:)

I also came across this post about the temptations that become really strong when life is pants... wise words indeed... and on that note I shall stop, and try and think of rather more profound things to post next time!

ah-ha!

In a conversation with a wise friend yesterday I realised what I had been wittering on about in my previous post (which didn't publish properly so you couldn't comment on it even if you'd wanted to!!) basically boils down to a lack of faith, for 'faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see' (Hebrews 11:1). Which is actually hopeful, a signpost to listen out for what God's saying now and look back at what He's said in the past - since 'faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ.' (Romans 10:17)

being me...

You know, I can never believe that I'm 29, or even that I come over that way (people often tell me that they think I'm several years younger - should that be a compliment?). I think the thing is that I had expected to have made a few more decisions about who I am by now... somehow I get the message loud and clear from culture that this last decade of my life should have been the 'high point' of what makes me, me. It should have been what I'd been building up to for the previous 19 years and what I'll spend the rest of my life trying to recapture.

And yet it sure doesn't feel that way, I hardly feel like I've got started. I've bummed around in different places, doing lots of different jobs, getting little insights into different worlds and professions from doing stuff on the edges of them. But I don't think I've really got hold of the main stuff I think I could be good at, the music I really like, nor indeed the relationships that I'd like to carry with me for the rest of my life. Without any conscious need or intention to do so, I haven't lived in the same place for more than 3 years since I left home to go to University. Which has lots of consequence, including the ones I've just described.

Perhaps I'm not alone in my generation, still waiting to grow up and take responsibility... or perhaps I don't appreciate what I have done, been part of, learnt already, since 'it's only me', not easy to see as extraordinary... it's also interesting to see how much I've talked about me how the pressure is on to find an individual identity, rather than finding myself as part of something bigger. hmmm, enough already!

partially provoked by seeing The Motorcycle Diaries, getting a new haircut and having a tricky conversation with a friend yesterday... ;)